Jamaica is a hardened paradise. While there is plenty of warm sunshine, white-sand beaches and translucent waters to go around, there is also a strong street vibe that hits you like a ton of bricks from the moment you clear customs and immigration.

As ironic as it may be that some of the universal anthems are sayings like “one love”, “peace and respect”, and my personal favorite “that’s no problem mon”, be aware that nothing is free here …not even directions. Everyone wants a kick-back for even the smallest form of assistance.

I’d been warned previously of the aggressive nature of Jamaica, so it really wasn’t much of a surprise, but I’ve never been made to feel more like a dumb, white tourist than I did here. Much of the time I felt like I must have had a big dollar bill sign painted on my forehead.

One of the funniest lines I heard on the streets, which quickly became a joke between my brothers and I, was “hey mon, I’m the waiter from your hotel.” Granted we did fall for it our first night on the town in Montego Bay when we ended up with two unsolicited tour guides who wanted a hefty $80 for their hospitality in showing us around town (we ended up paying them about $25), we quickly figured out that some hustlers use this line to establish a sense of trust and familiarity with unsuspecting tourists. Usually, the line is followed by some pitch to buy drugs and then, when you explain you aren’t interested… they’ll usually resort to other tactics like referring you to their friend’s store, offering to walk you down the street to show you the way somewhere (for a price of course), or talking to you long enough so you just want to pay them to go away.

The main drag of Montego Bay was so loaded with hustlers, that walking down the street quickly became a task. We even opted to stay in our last night in town just to avoid shaking hands with every drug dealer in town (they always want to shake your hand first and give you the “one love” speech). I was told that there are places in Jamaica that don’t have the hard hustler edge, but I doubt it. It seems to me that anywhere there are tourists on the island, there are hustlers trying to sell something …whether its drugs, services or their time.

Don’t get me wrong, I actually really loved Jamaica for its beautiful beaches, vibrant music, happening nightlife and incredible spirit. Just be warned that nothing is free and the guy you meet on the street is probably not “the waiter from your hotel."

April 21, 2006