My days in Thailand are numbered, and already I fear the inevitable end of my greatest travel fantasy.

For me, Thailand has been an elaborate rabbit hole, indulging my deepest desires for escape and respite from the complicated work-obsessed life I left nearly eight months ago. Out here, I have no responsibility, no deadlines and no stress. And the only commitment I have to myself is to stay healthy and simply enjoy being.

Times are changing though, and already I’m starting to think about the future. My self-gratifying existence of living in the moment and not caring for future plans is slowly coming to its senses, and reality is creeping into my world like a new dawn. In a week, I’ll be on my way to the Greek islands and I know once I’m in Europe, the fast-paced sensibilities of the Western world will awaken a part of me that has long been sleeping.

Falling out of my sybaritic rabbit hole will not be easy I’m afraid, and I can only hope that the Greek islands will serve as a good staging ground for finding my way back to the world I left behind.

In the meantime, I’m about as chilled out and mellow as could be imagined. Just over a week ago, I returned to Pai in the far north. Leaving the islands (and the beaches) was a unexpected twist of fate brought on by a random encounter with a few cool locals I met almost three weeks ago while traveling here with my friend Nico.

There’s much more soul in the mountains, and the kick-back lifestyles have allowed me some time to slow down the pace and for the first time, submerge myself completely in Thai culture.

Most of my afternoons are spent lazing about, reading the Lord of the Rings trilogy on my friend Joey’s front porch. The setting of his bungalow alone is fodder for an impressionist painting – a small valley of rice fields encircled by a ring of cloud-shrouded mountains. Soft breezes carry incredibly fresh air across the valley and clouds loom heavy overhead, threatening yet another downpour.

By night, the scene in town is wonderfully eclectic and right up my alley. Imagine a Thai gypsy scene accented by distinct rasta vibes and warm hippie sentiments. Travelers show up with instruments from all over the world to jam with local musicians in a funky, mixed-up repertoire of roots reggae, classic rock and traditional Thai tunes. All in all, it’s a much needed change of pace from the blaring techno clubs of the islands, and an ideal place for sorting out my head.

These days, I live in a dreamlike state, shifting between the easy bliss of living without worry and the growing uneasiness of the coming awakening.

I can’t help but ask myself: after this wonderland of exotic experiences, who have I become? And in the face of the world back home, am I capable of re-assimilating into a life similar to the one I left behind?

As I look around me, breathing fresh mountain air and thinking on a wavelength fairly influenced by a new way of seeing the world, I find it hard to answer such questions. Maybe this is a new me, or maybe this is just who I am in Thailand. I suppose I have to leave to better decide whether this is in fact a rabbit hole or just a better place to live.

September 2, 2006